We seem to be surrounded by advertisements for direct cremations these days, on TV, on our social media, in newspapers. I get it, we are living in a cost of living crisis, times are hard, and it must give people some relief and peace of mind to know that their funeral is sorted and paid for. One less thing for their children to worry about. Just one thing though. Direct Cremation is about as “no frills” as a funeral can be. In fact, it’s not even a funeral per se, it is literally the disposal of the deceased. Nothing more. The person is taken directly to the back door of the crematorium at no specified time, and no family member, or friend, is allowed to attend. That’s it. Now, I’m sure we have all heard someone say something along the lines of, “I don’t care what happens to me, you can put me in the rubbish when I’m gone” but truthfully, a funeral is not for the deceased, it is for those left behind. A chance to remember, reflect and say goodbye in a meaningful way. It brings closure and helps massively with the grieving process.

So where does Direct Cremation leave the bereaved? I’ve read stories of family members who didn’t fully understand what direct cremation was. They may have been aware that their Mum or Dad had a prepaid funeral in place, but only when they had passed away did the true situation become clear. It can be disturbing to not know when their loved one has been cremated – has it happened yet? Will it be today? Tomorrow? The uncertainty can be deeply unsettling.

With the rise in direct cremations, as a celebrant, I also see a rise in memorial services, celebrations of life. Even if it becomes apparent that a direct cremation has been bought and paid for, a separate celebration of life service still gives the bereaved their time to say goodbye. I am currently planning one which is going to be beautiful. To be held in a hotel, there will be music, old videos will be played of the gentleman in happier times, the ashes will be present with candles burning beside them, old friends will be invited to speak and share their memories. Unlike a crematorium chapel service, there will be no time constraints, we won’t be clock watching, it will take as long as it takes without being hurried. There will be photos around for people to look at, it’s a hotel so there will be a bar, and we shall raise a toast as part of the service, which will flow seamlessly into the wake where people will enjoy food and drink as they share their own personal thoughts and memories.

So, in conclusion, in the times we live in, direct cremation has it’s place, but there is still a way to hold that final hoorah for your loved one.

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